Depression

OK. Here's the thing. I try to be upbeat. I tell myself I'm feeling better, which I am physically for the most part. But I'm depressed. It's not a oh-I'm-just-sad-and-I'll-get-over-it-soon depression. It's pretty much all-consuming. I don't want to see people or talk to people, even my best friend. Any time I need to interact with people it's almost physically painful. When I have no choice but to go to Wal-Mart, I go after midnight so there will be fewer people there. I can't get interested in writing or any of the list of art projects I want to do. I can't concentrate on anything. I've never been much of channel surfer but now, even when I'm watching a favorite show, I surf just because I'm fidgety. And I can't sleep. No matter how tired I am, or how much I try to tire myself out, I just can't.

I've heard that many people suffer clinical depression after major surgery, especially if hormones are involved. I'm hoping that my doctor will take me seriously when I see him next month, if the situation doesn't resolve itself by then. If it doesn't, I hope I can wait 'til then.

I kind of knew that telling my mother about how I'm feeling would be a mistake but, I did it anyway. She said maybe the doctor will give me Xanax. Yes mother, give a depressed person an anti-anxiety drug. That'll help.