Rationalizing

I loved my dog as if she was my baby. In the 13 years I had her, and the five years since I had to put her to sleep, she taught me a lot of things about motherhood. Primarily, I wouldn't have been a good one.

As doggie mommies go, I guess I was sufficient. I took care of her when she was sick. I made sure she was clean and fed and got enough exercise. I played with her a lot.

But I got frustrated a lot, too. I'm not proud of this. Actually, I feel a little guilty even now. See, sometimes I'd ignore her if I didn't feel like dealing with her. During those times, one of us would usually end up being locked in room so I didn't have to deal with her. Could I do that with a child? Would I have done that with a child? I don't know.

Since we put her to sleep 5 years ago I thought about getting another dog but there are quite a few reasons I didn't. There's no way I wanted to housebreak another dog. I didn't want to go through the hassle of learning what food she likes and doesn't like. I didnt' want to find out what her favorite toys are. I'd gotten used to coming and going as I pleased without having to worry about what to do with the dog, and if she'd be OK 'til I got back. I didn't want to give up any "me" time.

So, for the rest of my life I'll probably wonder if I would have been a good mother but, thanks to my dog, I think I already know the answer. Some people are meant to be mothers. Some people aren't.

Besides, even if procreation was still an option for me, the only guys I'm interested in procreating with are my age and older and already have kids. I'm not so sure they'd want to be starting over (especially the one who's married to someone else). And, even if I had a kid now, I'd be 50 when he/she started kindergarten. I'm not so sure I could keep up with the kid, or the other moms.