Hearing the h-word

After asking if I had any thoughts about having children, my GYN told me the best option was a hysterectomy. That shocked me. I'm still in a minor state of shock but, I suppose that's normal. It's only been 23 hours since he told me. I'm sure it really hasn't even sunk in yet.

Right now, the thing I'm most worried about is how I'm going to pay for it. I don't have insurance. That's what I get for quitting my full-time job to follow my dream, I guess.

I've also been thinking about not being able to have children. In my adult life, I never really wanted them. I don't have that maternal instinct. I've always told myself that it was better not to have them then to have them and realize I'm not a good mother.

I guess I'll never find out what kind of mother I would have been.