The Truth
One of the reasons I started this blog is that I was hoping to help other women going through the same thing. There are so many things about my condition that I didn't know anything about. I didn't even realize my symptoms were actually symptoms of fibroids. How could I have possibly known it could all lead to a hysterectomy?
But I haven't been as honest as I was hoping to be, especially concerning one aspect of all of this. I am scared to death! I usually try to hide my fears by using humor. Granted, I'm no Ellen DeGeneres, but I try. Maybe, though, it's time to stop trying and just be honest about how scared I am.
The main thing is, I'm afraid of something going wrong during the surgery. What if I end up being a vegetable or something? I think I've made it quite clear to people that if I can't write there's no point for me to be alive. But, wow, could that really happen? Could something really go that wrong? I can't help but think about it. I don't want to live as a vegetable but I'm nowhere near ready to die. Spiritually, I am. I think, for the most part, I've tried to live a life that will get me to heaven. But I have too much stuff to do on earth before I go to heaven. So, if anyone's going to pray for me, could ya pray for Dr. Ryskin and his team, too? I think they'll need it more than I will. I'll just be lying there, after all.
The rest of the stuff I'm scared about seems pretty minor compared to the thought of death. Pain. I hate pain. I've read on Hyster Sisters that it's really not that bad, especially with pain meds. But still. When I go to the dentist I need enough Novocaine that it doesn't wear off for 24 hours. What's an incision going to feel like?
I also have this strange fear that this one operation, albeit this one major operation, won't cure me. What if I'm doing all of this, getting my uterus removed, leaving me permanently unable to bear children, and it's not going to make me feel better. All indications say I will feel better but it's hard for me to believe that all of this is going to be taken care of and six months from now I'll feel good.
I'm just scared of everything. Please pray for me, ok? And let's hope that in a couple of weeks I'll be here telling y'all how well everything went.
But I haven't been as honest as I was hoping to be, especially concerning one aspect of all of this. I am scared to death! I usually try to hide my fears by using humor. Granted, I'm no Ellen DeGeneres, but I try. Maybe, though, it's time to stop trying and just be honest about how scared I am.
The main thing is, I'm afraid of something going wrong during the surgery. What if I end up being a vegetable or something? I think I've made it quite clear to people that if I can't write there's no point for me to be alive. But, wow, could that really happen? Could something really go that wrong? I can't help but think about it. I don't want to live as a vegetable but I'm nowhere near ready to die. Spiritually, I am. I think, for the most part, I've tried to live a life that will get me to heaven. But I have too much stuff to do on earth before I go to heaven. So, if anyone's going to pray for me, could ya pray for Dr. Ryskin and his team, too? I think they'll need it more than I will. I'll just be lying there, after all.
The rest of the stuff I'm scared about seems pretty minor compared to the thought of death. Pain. I hate pain. I've read on Hyster Sisters that it's really not that bad, especially with pain meds. But still. When I go to the dentist I need enough Novocaine that it doesn't wear off for 24 hours. What's an incision going to feel like?
I also have this strange fear that this one operation, albeit this one major operation, won't cure me. What if I'm doing all of this, getting my uterus removed, leaving me permanently unable to bear children, and it's not going to make me feel better. All indications say I will feel better but it's hard for me to believe that all of this is going to be taken care of and six months from now I'll feel good.
I'm just scared of everything. Please pray for me, ok? And let's hope that in a couple of weeks I'll be here telling y'all how well everything went.
posted by Anne @ 11:55 AM
2 Comments:
At 4:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wishing the best of luck with your surgery. I know it's easy to say and doesn't really mean anything, but please don't be so scared about your surgery. You're safer on the operating table than you are trying to cross the seat. Or something like that. Okay, I made that up. But, really, there's risks in everything, and this is a pretty controlled setting. Besides, you'll get to sleep through the whole thing: if anyone should think about it beforehand, it's the doctors.
I'm trying to figure out why I really don't get nervous before surgery so I could pass it on (I haven't had a hysterectomy (although do have fibroids), but today's my one-year anniversary of a pretty big neurosurgical operation (skull and spine)). But, I'm not really sure why I don't. I guess I just figure it's not something that *I* have any control over, and thus there's no need to worry about it. I definitely get more nervous for an interview or something like that.
You're going to feel so much better after your surgery that the healing pain will surely pale in comparison. Hang in there: you're going to do great.
At 2:25 PM,
Anne said…
Thanks Eliza!
Post a Comment
<< Home